The Best Candidate Ever!

Have you wondered where I’ve been?  Missed me? Well, of course, you have!

I’ve been hard at work on the campaign trail.  No, I won’t tell you which candidate – because I don’t want to influence your vote.  But I will tell you this.  No matter who wins, you can be sure that:

◊  Whichever candidate is elected, it will be the one you hate the most.  I’m working hard to make that happen.

◊  Your personal financial situation will not get better and in all likelihood will get worse, especially if you are in the Middle Class.  I have no sympathy – not my fault you’re not rich like me.

◊  You know that health insurance plan you were all excited about just a few years ago?  Well, it’s about to become way more expensive with way less coverage.  Suck it up, all you little people.

◊  Want to feel safe in your own home?  That’s going to be a thing of the past, unless you can afford a mansion like mine.  Those of you in the suburbs?  Time to start building that bunker.  But good luck affording the supplies to stock it.

◊   Speaking of which – those second and third jobs you’re counting on to make ends meet are going to be harder and harder to find because there will be so much competition.  You want fries with that?

And to all those eagerly awaiting the opportunity for that write-in vote:  Be sure to take your own pencil into the booth ’cause we’re not providing them.  Just sayin’.

Yes, the campaign is coming to an end, but the fun is about to begin.  I can hardly wait.

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[Anyone who wishes to comment may do so on this post, or you may email me at notcordeliasmom@aol.com or cordeliasmom2012@yahoo.com]

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Image by Cordelia’s Mom

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You Can Lock Me Up, But Not Forever!

Have you been wondering where I’ve been for the last couple of months?

Well, CookieCakes did a pretty good job of locking me in the dark recesses of her mind, but now she’s distracted – and I’m back.  And I have a few things to say!

CookieCakes thinks she’s queen of the world now that she’s working again – but let me tell you, that piddly salary she’s making wouldn’t even keep me in lunches, manicures and massages.  What a loser!

Available on Amazon.com!

BTW, I also read Linda Bethea’s book, Everything Smells Just Like Poke Salad, and I also have an opinion on it.  But did Linda ask me to review it?  Of course not.  Apparently, she cares what CookieCakes thinks, but not me.  The heck with her, I won’t even link to her book here so don’t bother clicking on the photo!

Then, of course, there’s that Paul Curran person.  Did he let me know that he had died and come back to life during his botched surgery?  No, he told Mark Bialczak instead.  I take some comfort in the fact that he also didn’t notify CookieCakes, but certainly since I’m so much closer to the “other side” he could have invited me along.  The heck with him, too.

As for the photography – where do you think CookieCakes gets her photographic eye?  I’m the one who makes her see things that may or may not be there, and I’m the one who points out the hidden aspects of a prospective photo, especially the darker ones.  Remember the “Love You to Death” photo?  Do you really think sweet little Cordelia’s Mom could have dreamed that up without me?

Even the tower photo at the head of this post is mine.  Every time CookieCakes drove past that deconstructed church, I was jumping up and down inside her head yelling, “Stop! That would make a great picture!”  Did she listen?  Of course not – at least not until she was on her little vacation and happened to notice it herself (she thinks).

Never mind that every one of these photos carries the Cordelia’s Mom signature – they are mine, all mine, and I’m taking credit for them right here and now.  Can you sue an alter-ego for copyright infringement?  Probably not, but it would be fun to try and would certainly make a great story, wouldn’t it?

I may just do that yet.

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[Anyone who wishes to comment may do so on this post, or you may email me at notcordeliasmom@aol.com or cordeliasmom2012@yahoo.com]

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Images by Cordelia’s Mom, except for book cover image from Amazon.com

Opinionated Man Didn’t Want Me!

I’ve been rejected.  Yes, you got that right.  When I learned that CookieCakes had been invited by Opinionated Man to guest post on his site, and that she was unable to do so because of her job hunting, I decided to step in and sent OM the following email and draft post.  He refused to publish it, giving me some load of crap about having to go over to his house to do it myself.  How naïve does he think I am?

Here’s the email and the post – you decide if it would have been worth of posting on the Opinionated Man site.

 

WHY BLOGGING SUCKS

By Not Cordelia’s Mom

 

A.  You start off, for whatever reason, because you want to write down your thoughts, but then you get drawn into that whole “how many followers can I get?” trap.  And how many followers do you get?  Zip, nada, zero – for a long, long time.  While much lesser mortals – like, well, Opinionated Man – have tens of thousands of followers.  How is that right?

B.   Once you do start gathering followers, they often have no idea what your blog is really about. How many times have I seen Cordelia’s Mom’s readers congratulate her on her “mirror blog” – WTF!  I’m here, people – read me!

3.  As the months and years roll by, you come to realize that no one is as talented a blogger as you are, and yet so many others are recognized on the Discover (formerly, Freshly Pressed) page. But then you also realize that you wouldn’t want to be lumped in with all those inferior people anyway, and you just stop reading that particular page.

IV.  Eventually, you gain enough readers to be a recognized blogger. Other bloggers begin commenting on your posts, linking to your posts, re-blogging your posts, asking you to guest post for them – and heaven forbid,  maybe even asking to meet you in person!  Who needs that grief?

And the absolute worst is: Despite all of the foregoing, you keep on blogging anyway. Addiction is hell.

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Not Cordelia’s Mom and Cordelia’s Mom both love to hear from our readers. You may comment on this post, comment on the Cordelia’s Mom Facebook or Twitter pages, or email us at cordeliasmom2012@yahoo.com or notcordeliasmom@aol.com

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Image by Cordelia’s Mom