HO-HO-NOT (or, The Christmas That Won’t Be If I Have Anything To Do With It)

For the last couple of years, Cordelia’s Mom has hidden in her own tiny, beaten-down house while her kids have spent Christmas with their in-laws and boyfriends’ families.  And that’s as it should be – who wants to be around CookieCakes anyway?

But this year, I’ve heard she’s planning a big Christmas Morning get-together, and every one of her kids and their spouses/boyfriends will be in attendance.

I was not invited.

But guess what? I will be there anyway.

Yes, just like Elf On the Shelf, I will be watching the festivities.  Maybe I’ll hide behind the Christmas tree, maybe I’ll slip behind the couch, maybe I’ll dress myself as a poinsettia plant and sit in the corner, but I will be there.

Sure, you say – how can a full-grown adult hide in a very small house to spy?

Very simple:  Everyone believes I am merely a figment of CookieCakes’ imagination.  I am way more than that – I am the wind, the shadow, the essence of all that should be.  I may not be as solid in body as I would like, but I am a presence.

And I will be there. And I will make my presence known in a thousand subtle ways.

When CookieCakes gets distracted by unusual house sounds, and the muffins burn – I will be there.

When the bacon grease spills over onto the floor, and CookieCakes slips in it – I will be there.

When the tree lights suddenly become unplugged – I will be there.

When all conversation suddenly stops after that loud thump from upstairs – I will be there.

I will make the Cordelia’s Mom’s Family Christmas Breakfast a thing of the past.

And as a special treat to myself at this special time of year, I will adopt a new kitten and name it Not Cody, and raise it to hate silly, sweet puppies.

Let CookieCakes and her stupid dog beware.

[Anyone who wishes to comment may do so on this post, or you may email me at notcordeliasmom@aol.com]

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Images by:  Shella C., and Dennis Goedegebuure, and Tomi Taplo K, respectively